Flat White.

"You don't need Wi-Fi to enjoy a good cup of coffee."

A true statement, from a direct Dutchman.

I confess I was slightly offended at the assertion from a stranger, implying that I ought not connect to the internet, when I'd expressly planned to do so. If I was quicker, I'd have retorted something saucy like "and you don't need manners to work at a Dutch cafe." Which, in fact, is true.

What? Let's just be honest. 

I'm told that this gentleman might have been attempting a joke in English, and showing off his linguistic skill, so we'll let it slide. After all, he's being paid a living wage, and doesn't care about me, and doesn't have to pretend to. An interesting concept indeed.

I have been in Holland for about a month, and have come to stages of appreciation and frustration each day. UP and down.

Eat a croissant, UP. Cycle through aggressive rain, down.

But, since we're being honest, 

I can say that today the balance is about equal,

with a courageous hope & expectation that things will tip 

to a lovely and solid UP

soon enough.

After this cup of coffee, perhaps.

1 week (or so)

It's been 1.5ish weeks since my move to the Nethies and already there is too much for words. But, since a picture is worth a thousand words, here are twelve, which speak for themselves...

Coco

      

    Sometimes you make a plan to pack

          But coffee & community wins

           And your 3pm cappuccino 

             Equals a 1am blog post.

           And sometimes that's fine. 

4.

It's both easy & difficult to wax poetic 

about a move overseas 

that I have been

dreaming,

planning,

& doing for the last 2 years.

Easy is adventure; fresh, new, courageous

Difficult is goodbye; for a while, overwhelming & with uncertainty.

I feel a swirl of unreality and know that the 

real will hit soon

away familiar plaid covered walls & my magenta-lipped mother

to share air with my kind-faced favorite.

I pack tomorrow, 

but tonight, I glow.

Linguistic.s.?

I've often made due with certain personal linguistic/spelling type errors,
and I'm not afraid to admit that another came to light, just the other day.

Much like my realization in 6th grade that the word I had been reading as Chaah Ohs (what is this, a cereal?!), 

was in fact the same word in spoken English as 'Kay Oss',
 I recently discovered that a word I so enjoy speaking as 'Pee kid'

is in fact written 'peaked',

and I was miffed.

Let's hope Dutch isn't this...complicated.

"Rest & laughter are the most spiritual and subversive acts of all. 

Rest, laugh, slow down." -Anne Lamott

And when I think that neither is possible, it turns out that both are exactly what I need. 

And when I judge or am judged for taking rest, I remember the subversiveness, the act of stealing away (like Jesus did), and I lean into it. 

And when I am stern and surly and salty, I remember that we were meant to come to Christ as children

(Matthew 19:14)

...and children LAUGH.

And so will I.

Well, it's been 5 years...

Ampersand...(ellipsis)

And here I am, thinking that it might be time to put words to "paper" since there must be SOMETHING to say after a blog hiatus of 5 years. Right?

I confess that I want to edit the words I wrote at 24, but there's something great about their permanence and their murk. It reminds me of past growth and makes me believe in future growth as well. So, in an effort to lock in this present moment for future posterity, I write.

First, to reflect on the events of 2009-2014 with the keen eye of hindsight...

& 34 weddings attended with their corresponding gifts and roles, including my sister's

& 13 roommates

& 2 jobs later with 1 bout of unemployment

& 2 trips to Morocco 

& 2 trips to the Netherlands

& 1 fellow who lives abroad

& now, on the cusp of a bold move at 29, I look back and see a lot of RISK, weak faith-me, faithfulness-God, hope & life that I just wouldn't trade for the safe.

Heaven forbid I make a choice out of fear.

Don't they say perfect love casts out fear? 1 John 4:18. Pretty sure that's what God is. Love.

So even though I'm afraid to write this, for fear that it might not be sure & true, I am planning a risk. I am setting off to the Netherlands to search for the job that only the Father can arrange for me. 

And though I'm afraid, & though it's a risk, I've always seen that

God.Is.In.The.Risk.

Here's to another 5 years of dependence, change, hope, love & risk. May I always choose it. May I choose to be where God is.